'til the break of dawn...

J..ack L..ondo.n S..qua.re,
me and him
him and I
his fantasy
my fantasy
2 women, 1 man
"let me pick her"
sitting at the bar
braids all down
her bare back
they smiled
already knew each other
drinks all around
me in the middle
2 hands on my back
male and female
I wasn't ready
but I didn't say no
me 21, him 40
penthouse aparment
she stood next to him
I tugged at his pants
undid his belt
elevator moving up
I wanted him {and her}
she went to the back
erect, I wanted him in my mouth
she watched
then pulled him to the bed
I followed, taking off blouse
then skirt
heels stayed on
she watched me
as he kissed me
licked me soft then hard
clinging to my clit
she rubbed my breasts
as he kissed her
hard on the mouth
hand on my pelvis
perfect body
he entered me
young and new
I almost kissed her
as he pushed in and out
of me
she rubbed herself
as he came in me
I felt her shudder next to me
I tilted my head back
I could see the sun
coming up with us
in the Oa..kland sky
he fell on me, she fell on him
we slept like that


That's as close as I got
I never saw her again, we wrote letters
for about a year after this..
He was in my life for about 3 years after this
infrequent visits and expensive hotels
eventually we just stopped...

I guess he's one that got away??
and maybe her too??

Baby, bye, bye, bye....

She called me
She never calls me
It has to always be me
wanting her
chasing her
showing her I need her
She never gives in
Take it or leave it
is her motto
her: Can you come back
me: how
her: the way it used to be
me: too long ago
her: I know
me: so why even entertain
her: we can always go back

That night
in the shower
She catches my breathe
with another kiss
my nipples hard
against her chest
the cold water giving me chills

I went to her in the steam
to say it was over
I found all the letters
read them all
from him
before our first kiss

I still needed
to feel her hands on me
She watched me lick
my own nipples
with her hands between my legs
I licked myself
her lips on my hands
as I washed her
fresh, pure, clean smile

Hard to cum
standing up
small space
heat making me wet
and sweat
the beads on my back
I may faint

Its time to get out
Time to let go
say Goodbye
too much back and forth
not used to this
too new, and old
lost in lies
washed away
the promises
never kept....

ever say goodbye to someone that you really, truly loved?
the one that got away...could you get them back??

low down dutty...

Prospects down to zero..thank GOD for friends. Mr. CJ has been making me smile and thats what I need..lots of smiles...I'm seeing him tonight..can't run from him much longer, he's definitely NOT a LOSER.

My cousin sent me this list (i've shortened it a little)...don't know where she got it but its pretty much ON POINT.

You're dating a loser if he(or she):

1) tries to hurt you on purpose by hitting/slapping you, twisting your arm, pulling your hair, kicking or shoving you and even damaging your personal property .

2)quickly attaches him/herself to you by saying "I love you", "I want to marry you", "have my baby" just a few weeks into the relationship"

3)has an ill temper - quick to throw things, gets upset very easily, displays road rage, starts fights..BEWARE: this will soon be directed at you..

4) kills your self confidence - constantly puts you down, making you feel unintelligent, calling you names like skinny, fat, old, etc...you feel like you are always doing something wrong with them, they are chipping away at your self-esteem

5)tries to get you to cut off your support sysem - wants you to diss your friends and family members, tells you negative things about them, etc..

6)is constantly going from mean to sweet...one day he's all over you telling you how much he cares and then the next day he's cussing you out, yelling, screaming, being mad for something stupid and then like that he's back to being sweet..emotional rollercoaster..

7)blames you for everything..everything is your fault...if you're late for a concert - its your fault;
When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. The Loser" never, repeat "never", takes personal responsibility for their behavior - it's always the fault of someone else.

8) panics when you say you want to break up! - unless it's totally their idea -.They try to make deals with you - "let's give it a month" then they shower you with phone calls, and gifts hoping to win you back but soon after they are back to their loser ways.

9)will make you stop all your hobbies and other interests just to be with them..wants you only interested in THEIR interest..

10. is always paranoid...he checks up on you every 5 minutes and tries to keep track of your every move. If you don't answer their phone call, you are asked where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. .

11. they embarrass you in public - lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in front of people.

12. make you feel like it's Never Enough, he or she will convince you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, blah blah blah

13. has two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly.

14. has you walking on Eggshells with intimidation, temper tantrums, lengthy interrogations about trivial matters, etc..You will be fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser". you end upbeing afraid to say anything.

Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge and tense when talking to him/her

15. has no interest in your opinion or feelings..they are so self-involved and self-worshiping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. If you tell them you are concerned with their behavior , you will be told that a lot of your concerns are just silly and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things.

16. they make You "Crazy" "The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense. You become paranoid as well - being careful about what you wear and say. Making sure you don't miss their call, never late, wanting everything to be perfect for them..you start to OVERcompensate..make YOU Crazy!...

Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach yourself from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done.

WHEW!!!

Dating a LOSER?? Had one in your life before?? HOw did you get away from him/her??

Combusting at the seams...

If she was smart
she would stay away
the fire in his words
written for her
told her no one could
protect her from him
burning her inside and out

still she went to him
open heart and wounds
never fully closing
never dying off
everyone there
to piece apart
dissect her
wishing they knew her
felt the heat
her heart
not even close

no one loved her as much
as she loved them
patterns untraceable
senses numb
going blindly
just to feel something

she lets go, walks away
then back in again
deeper than before
and worst off
still she goes to him
consumed by the flame
she keeps going

The sparks in his eyes
told her he'd try
"I'll be the guard" he says
but she already knew
he couldn't tell the truth
couldn't love
it was too hot, too close
like sunburn

she closed her eyes
felt the fire
hit her skin
as she gave in

again....

Class in Session

So between work, Easter festivities and eating like I was homeless I had an opportunity to spend a few hours with a friend.
Let's call him Mr. Education. I'll get into his particulars later (maybe). I will say he is not
a prospect, he doesn't belong to me, I do not belong to him, BUT that doesn't stop me from wanting to know what's his deal with the ladies.

So I initiated a round of "Questions" all related to "what have you done, have you ever and will you ever do??" Everything was pretty normal, most stuff I've heard of, done, etc...

BUT...2 things stood out
him: are you a squirter?
me: a what?
him: a squirter, when a female ejaculates this stream of liquid, sometimes literally across the room, when she cums ..there are movies just about that you haven't seen them??
me: hmmmmmmmmmmm no?? WTF???
him: I've been with about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
me: okay stop
him: well I've been with a lot of women that squirt and it's outstanding!!!
me: {speechless, I motion with my hands..continue}
him: I remember this one chick sitting on my mouth and all this boiling hot liquid sprayed my chin and ran down my neck into the carpet. It was WILD! And, of course, she couldn't explain what was happening because she hadn't read about it or anything. I remember that one of them squirted for the first time with me. SHe felt it coming and that it felt so good she couldn't stop and figured that since I didn't stop licking her it must've been ok to just let it go. She had planned to apologize afterwards, but I interrupted and said, "Damn, it so hot that you squirted your cum in my mouth."
me: sounds weird, but okay...I don't think I've ever done that, I've been working out and felt a little squirt and come home and I was wet...does that count?? LMAO!

so I did my own googling and found that when the womans g-spot is stimulated in just a way she could squirt..if she let goes and allow it... okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! interesting stuff I tell ya!

so my question to the ladies...r u a squirter?? LMAO
and for the fellas...ever had a squirter???

the next question
him: what's your favorite letter of the alphabet
me: huh? now what chu talking about??
him: oral --- Alphabet style..
I sat and thought for a few secs..then I started blushing again...

me: OMG!
him: yes with my tongue I go thru the entire alphabet on a womans clit
me: stop!
him: let me tell you, LISTEN GURL, sometimes before I get to Z they are screaming
then I go back and start over doubling AA, BB, CC, DD
me: Shut up! Shut up! (in my STacy London voice..)
we are quiet for a long time..I'm imagining this in my head..legs start moving

him: what are you thinking about?
me: {speechless, I motion with my hands..continue}
him: the favorite letters seem to be M and W
me: wow.....

so fellas..ever done this??
ladies..what's your favorite alphabet???

LMAO....men amaze me..all the time!!! I love them!!!

Wax not..

so really what is the un-fascination of pubic hair?..why does it have to be shaved, waxed, and set into some design or pattern?? SO a man can find his way down there??

I know I'm behind in the times with this but I was perfectly fine with mine all these years and now I must endure extreme distress just to make it easy for a dude to get around?...

my toy doesn't mind it and heck "pinky" can vibrate the shit out of me and the hair never gets in the way!

I remember when men liked a hairy chick...having side burns was cute..now? not so much.
Shaving your hair in college meant some itches had found a home in your panties.

I was a cheerleader so I always shaved my bikini line but never went all the way.. I'm nice and neat down there but to go BALD FUKN EAGLE!!! no way...I've been aiming for the "landing strip" look, although I've never seen one....I've never seen a shaved off va-j-j unless you count that crazy celeb chick who showed her fire crotch all over the newspapers..otherwise i'm clueless...

Actually watching porn a few weeks ago (yep finally got one emailed to me) I did notice everyone was shaved..because of the cameras right?..so you can see everything?? or just because??

What about razor bumps and ingrown hairs??..YUCK..

Whether you shave or wax doesn't it itch like CWAZEEEEEEEE when it grows back??

I treated myself to a day at the spa yesterday and they made me feel like grizzly adams...

that made me think of the grizzly roller coaster at Ki..ngs DO..min..ion - man that was the scariest ride!

anyways..they did my eyebrows OUCH, my chin OUCH, my upper lip, OUCH...they even did my underarms which felt dumb!! no way on the pubes!! NO WAY!

then I got hit on by a lesbian, which gave me all kinds of girl on girl fantasies that I've never even thought of til last night...which reminds me I need to get them out of my head and onto paper!

She goes on...like a river.

when someone walks out of your life, let them
(I wish I knew who said that)

standing at the kitchen sink
her eyes wet
he didn't love her
the way back in the day
in high school
when young love was new
on the radio
he came up behind her
hands from her back
to just underneath her breats
him: "why r u so upset..all the time"
her: "not for long"
him: "why do u cry as soon as I get here
enjoy the time we have"

he slid his hands from her butt
down to her wet spot
she kept her hands in the sink
drain stopped water not
leaned her back into him
he whispered
"I'm here now"

She took her palms
leaned them against the bar
above the sink
dishes still there they will wait
she moved her hand against the granite
he went into her so easily
she bent over, faucet at her neck
he kept going
the water running over
down to their feet
each push, movement
splashing at her waist
she sobbed even more
didn't make him stop
him: "you wanted me here
I tried to go"
her: "not like this"

but then she got his pace
didn't want him to notice

him: "cum for me, I know u feel it"

he reached for her clit
he knew

water still overflowing
her hands frozen
spasms all over
causing her to cry even more

him: "shit girl take all of this"
inside, no protection

eyes dry now
water off
well was dry

he didn't know how to love her